The Baguette Bandit of Yackandandah

(the tale of a local wag)

Deep in the doldrums of lockdown fatigue

The contact tracers out of their league

Faces like concrete, all a-frown

On every citizen, in every town

Then, manna from heaven, bread of mystique,

A clever ruse, ‘très magnifique!’

An intrigue, debated on every verandah,

Was visited upon our Yackandandah.

First there was one, then appeared two

Pretty soon a whole flamin’ slue!

Like the virus itself it quickly spread

Where did the bandit get all that bread?

Baguettes in the open, baguettes indiscreet,

Baguettes on the roadside, baguettes on the street,

Baguettes surreptitious on various verges,

A baguette from someone’s mailbox emerges!

The appearances were weirdly ghostal,

Half the town was going postal!

Facebook posts caused quite a congestion,

As every citizen had a suggestion.

Were they woman, were they man,

Or gender oblique - a different plan?

And what was the impetus for this saga,

A lockdown loner and too much lager?

Some suggested following the crumbs,

To see from whence this ninja comes.

But others said, let them remain unfound,

This bread stick guerrilla, this baguette hound.

And once it began, did others join the fray?

Is it a reincarnation of the old YRA?*

Or an out-of-town business causing a fakery,

To counter the local brand-new bakery?

Where there clues in the baguettes’ placement,

The position of droppage, or angle of facement,

Directing us, like a conductor’s baton,

To where the arty dropper came from?

And what would complement this gifted bread,

Olives and cheese, or lemon curd spread?

Will the baguette fairy grant these wishes,

Or is it, after the loaves, then come the fishes?

And now, what comes next… baguette races?

Baguette duels at eleven paces?

Baguette fashion, baguette dances?

Baguette jewellery… what are the chances?!

So, here’s cheers for this timely distraction,

From covid angst and lockdown inaction.

Whether one or many, who knows the truth,

If the Banksy of Indigo was themselves out-sleuthed?

And was it all a mere bagatelle,

The trick for which so many fell,

And will we ever get a gander,

At the Baguette Bandit of Yackandandah? 

 *  Yackandandah Republican Army

Owen Smith - © 17/09/2021